People that Piss Me Off (Volume 1)

Things have been getting pretty busy again, and in an attempt to continue posting new blog entries fairly regularly, I'll probably add in some stories or observations with absolutely no intellectual value whatsoever.  This is one of those times.  No big social or political issues here.  No talk of politicians, immigration, welfare, contraception, or women's rights.  No talk of people who claim to be open minded, but are only open to folks who share their beliefs.  Basically no topics that actually make me angry.  I'm talking about people that I pretty much encounter on a daily basis that just piss me off, but not in a really serious way.  Get it?  If it helps, use your best Jerry Seinfeld voice when reading these ("What's the deal with......").   And please don't get offended and feel like you have to defend yourself if you do this stuff.  It'll still piss me off even if you have a good excuse:

1. Doesn't put shopping cart back guy:  When I say "guy" or "lady" obviously I'm generalizing.  I'm perfectly aware that both sexes do all of these things.  But I digress.  This has always been a major pet peeve of mine.  Pull halfway into a spot and realize some lazy person can't be bothered to walk 20 ft. to return a cart to the proper place.  I know it's a little thing (these are all little things), but damn it pisses me off.  I don't care if it's raining.  I don't care if you have kids with you.  I don't care that Walmart is made up of a bunch of idiots that only construct 1 cart corral per square mile of parking lot.  If you're too lazy, do what I do, park by the cart corral.  If you have kids with you, grab a cart from the corral, plop 'em in the cart, and off you go.  When you get done shopping, everything's right there.  Often those guilty of this one are the same folks guilty of number 2 on the list.

2. Waits for close parking space lady:  This person is often observed more around the holiday season.  You're trying to find a spot, going up and down the aisles, and all of a sudden there's someone sitting with their car in park, waiting for someone to come out of the store and leave from one of the closest 3 parking spots in the lot.  I'm not talking about seeing someone about to crank up and leave, and waiting a minute for them to get out of there.  I'm talking about the lazy ass that you have to squeeze around, find your own spot a half mile away, walk past them on the way into the store, and even sometimes on the way back out.  Needless to say, this person could usually stand to burn the few extra calories.  Just sayin'.

3. Drives to the front of the traffic line and cuts in guy:  I realize that all of these have revolved around driving in some way, but this is a big one, and is one of the things that pisses me off the most while driving.  It's happened to everyone.  You see the sign, "right lane closed - 1 mile."  You find a spot, and get over.  Unfortunately, there are some times when this turns into a large backup, and you're sitting still, moving an inch every few minutes.  Then it happens.  Some selfish bastard who can't be bothered to sit in line like everyone else, flies past you to the front of the line, stops and puts on their blinker.  I don't know what upsets me more, the person doing the cutting, or the person that lets them in.  Every time someone at the front of the line lets one of these idiots in, it makes it that much more tempting for others to try the same maneuver.  Mostly I spend my time in line hoping that when I get to the front, I can deny someone entry.  I have a feeling that I've offended the most people with this one.  Lots of people violate this one.  Probably friends and family.  But that doesn't mean I have to like it.

4. Tax relief commercial couple:  You know the commercial.  Two good looking, middle aged folks with stupid grins on their faces like the cat that ate the canary.  "We owed $10,000 to the IRS, but Tax Reliefs R US got it reduced to $250!"  Awesome, great, fantastic.  I really hope it's not that easy and Tax Reliefs R US financially rapes those folks, I really do.  The message is just so ridiculous.  "IRS bad.  Don't worry about paying your taxes, come to us, we'll take care of it."  Here's an idea.....PAY YOUR DAMN TAXES.  Don't get on my TV and act like it's admirable trait to not pay your due.


5. Does all her banking at the ATM girl:  I ran into this one the other day.  Of course I was in a hurry and needed a little cash.  I pull into the ATM and there she is, receipts, envelopes, deposits, the whole bit.  Usually I'm in and out of the ATM in about 30 seconds.  It's not like it took her 20 minutes or anything, but come on, the bank was open.  Go in, talk to a teller.  ATM's are for getting cash, period.  I would never trust making deposits into the ATM, anyway.  I don't know why it was so frustrating, but I was sending her some serious mental wrath as she signed her checks, filled out envelopes, got her mini-statement, and everything else.  Two words..."fast cash."

That's it for volume 1.  5 people that piss me off.  Hopefully some of you thought "hell, yeah, that pisses me off too," or at least got a laugh out of it.

Quiet Time is a Man's Best Friend

Before you have kids, everyone tries to prepare you for what you're in for.  But, as anyone with children knows, you can never really understand all the tips and advice until the nurses hand you your child and makes you take it home.  All of a sudden parenthood becomes real and you begin to understand the advice...."never wake up the baby,"  "nap when the baby naps," "don't get dressed until right before you leave the house, unless you want to walk around with snot and spit-up on you all day."  All good advice, but there are a lot of things I didn't think about, deeper realizations that have come as epiphanies over the years.  Some of these realizations have been of a serious nature, like when I realized that no matter how old the kids get, I'll never stop worrying about them.  The older they get, the worries just get more variable, more numerous, and often more serious.  It seems like common sense, but it was definitely a "wow" moment when when I actually sat down and really thought about it.

Other realizations that I've experienced aren't that serious, make me chuckle, and are destined to become material for this blog.  One such realization occurred to me recently while I was in the bathroom. Don't worry, I won't go into a lot of detail, but I've always wondered why people (men especially) take reading material into the bathroom.  Honestly, do people really like hanging out in there longer than necessary?  I've never really understood......until one day the kids were going crazy, driving us nuts, and on impulse I grabbed a book and locked myself in the bathroom.  I stayed for a while.....and I liked it.  The epiphany came when I realized that, at this point in life, quiet time has become a rare and precious thing.  I tried to think of examples of other, normally common things, made rare and valuable by circumstance.  I thought about diamonds.  Strange?  Maybe, maybe not.  I remember learning in school that, although diamonds are the very expensive, they're actually pretty common.  Other gems like rubies, sapphires, and emeralds are much rarer, but diamonds have become the ultimate symbol of a rare and valuable gem, as well as the well-commercialized symbol of everlasting love.  Diamonds are a girl's best friend, right?  As I understand it, this is largely due to a diamond cartel who set regulations and prices and pretty much control the worlds diamond trade.  I know I'm oversimplifying things a lot, so save all the political-human rights atrocities-blood diamond explanations.  My point is, like diamonds, peace and quiet are normally common occurrences (often taken for granted), which have become rare and precious commodities in my house due to the actions of my two beautiful children (AKA the cartel).  So, I now have a much better understanding of how important a few minutes of pure peace and quiet can be (no matter where you have to go to find it).  I still have no idea why single people who live alone like to read in the bathroom, but whatever makes them happy, I guess.

Another thought......while I now understand how rare and precious my peace and quiet is.....I don't think I'll be able to get away with giving my wife quiet time for an anniversary present.   Still pretty sure she'd prefer the diamonds.